I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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