When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
