There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I am mentally ready for anal.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
ok first of all what the fuck
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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