It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
