This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
