I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
