I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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