So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize
