the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
