youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
