My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
