I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
