Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
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