I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
