dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Randomize
