I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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