she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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