He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
