don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
You need a sexual gate keeper
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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