I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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