a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize