I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
