My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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