Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
