I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
