It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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