...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
