I hate your face
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I want to be your penis for a week.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
