I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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