Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I licked your asshole in confidence.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
