Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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