Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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