I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
tequila makes me forget i have legs
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I want a musical about memes.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
