But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
