Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
