im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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