I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
