So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Randomize
