Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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