Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
