dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
