I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
