I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
