I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
