I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
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