ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
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