I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
