you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
