addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
