Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize