i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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