there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
