i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
