He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
