I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
