Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize