The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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