It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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