I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
