I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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