remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
