can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize