do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
