it's too hot outside to masturbate.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
