Plan B is the new Plan A
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Panties = found
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
