I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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