Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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