I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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