ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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