im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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