I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
