i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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