just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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