You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
