so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize