I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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