I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize