im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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