MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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