Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
