she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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